One of the more tricky aspects of parental alienation is how to accurately establish whether there really is alienation, or such intent, on the part of the other parent.
Parent24 spoke to two experts who explained this issue from a psychological and a legal point of view.
Also see below for a list of typical behaviours.
Psychologically
Joburg-based Counselling Psychologist Ace Chiheya explained to Parent24 that there is usually a continuous pattern of efforts to stop the child’s contact or visit with the targeted parent, as well as efforts to disturb or shorten contacts or visits.
Examples include “baseless recrimination and badmouthing by the alienating parent, with little or no good words about the targeted parent”, he said.
Such efforts do not only target the targeted parents, but their family members as well like aunts, uncle, grandparents, he added.
Because parental alienation is neither a diagnosable psychological condition nor a psychological construct, Chiheya explained, there is no established psychological evaluation or psychometric tool specifically designed to measure parental alienation.
“Nevertheless, there are various methods of evaluation that are used to pick themes that point to parental alienation and these include drawings, clinical interviews, collateral information, family relations tests and so on,” he told us.
Read more in our series: #NoOneWins | Everything you need to know about Parental Alienation
Legally
Advocate Riani Ferreira of Circle Chambers also provided insight, explaining that there are certain clear signs and based on the facts, it can be established that the child was one day still loving the parent and the next day not.
To make a decision, the court will consider the facts.
“Children don’t loose their affinity for a parent overnight,” Ferreira says.
If there are no actions that caused the “estrangement” by the rejected parent him or herself, the inference is that the other parent, the defiant parent, is using techniques to alienate, which is a form of child abuse.
The court will determine when a child has been alienated, based on facts or through the evidence and assistance of a suitably qualified expert.
Typical signs of alienation
According to the book Children Who Resist Postseparation Parental Contact, typical behaviour exhibited by the child, or children, in question include the following examples:
• Opinion of parents is one sided, all good or all bad, idealizes one parent and devalues the other
• Vicious vilification of rejected parent, campaign of hatred
• Trivial, false, and irrational reasons to justify hatred
• Reactions and perceptions unjustified or disproportionate to parent’s behaviours
• Talks openly and without prompting about rejected parent’s perceived shortcomings
• Extends hatred to extended family and pets of rejected parent (hatred by association)
• No guilt or ambivalence regarding malicious treatment, hatred, etc.
• A stronger, but necessarily healthy, psychological bond with alienating parent than with the rejected parent
Ask us! Do you have a legal question you need help with? Share your questions via email at chatback@parent24.com and we may speak to a legal professional on your behalf. Anonymous contributions are welcome.
Typical Behaviours exhibited by favoured (alienating) parent
• Insists that the child has the right to make decisions about contact
• Rarely talks about the other parent, uninterested in the child’s time with other parent after contact, gives a cold shoulder or silent treatment or is moody after the child expresses dissatisfaction about the contact
• No photos of rejected parenting in the home; removes reminders of the other parent
• Tells child fun things that were missed during the child’s time with the other parent
• Indulges child with material possessions and privileges• Rejected parent is discouraged or refused permission to attend school events and activities
• Telephone messages; gifts and mail from other parent to child are destroyed, ignored, or passed on to the child with disdain
• Does not believe that child has any needs for the relationship with other parent
• Exaggerate negative attributes of the other parent and omits anything positive
• Projection of own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours onto the other parent
• Does not correct the child’s rude, defiant, and/ or omnipotent behaviour directed towards the other parent but would never permit child to do this with others
• Convinced of harm when there is no evidence
• False or fabricated allegations of sexual, physical, and /or emotional abuse
• Says that the other parent left “us,” divorced “us”, and does not love “us”
• Over-involves child in adult matters and litigation
• Relocation for minor reasons and with little concern for the effects on the child
Typical behaviour exhibited by rejected (alienated) parent
• Harsh, rigid, and punitive parenting style
• Outrage at child’s challenge to his or her authority
• Passivity or withdrawal in face of conflict
• Immature, self-centred in relation to child
• Losses tamper, angry, demanding, intimidating character traits, but not to level of abuse
• Counter rejecting behaviour
• Lacks empathic connection to child
• Inept and unempathetic pursuit of child; pushes calls and letters, unannounced or embarrassing appearances at school or activities
• Challenges child’s beliefs or attitudes and tries to convince him or her otherwise
• Dismissive of child’s feelings or negative attitudes
• Attempt to induce guilt
• May use force to reassert parental position
• Vents rage, blames alienating parent for brainwashing the child, and takes no responsibility
Read more in our series: #NoOneWins | Everything you need to know about Parental Alienation
Ask us!
Do you have a legal question you need help with? Share your questions via email at chatback@parent24.com and we may speak to a legal professional on your behalf. Anonymous contributions are welcome.
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